Reconciliation!

How difficult it is to reconcile or communicate with someone after many years, whom once I called a frend? When I thought about the consequences, it was a strict No No.... I was apprehensive about what would I say? Wat wud be the person's reaction? I didn't want to go thru the same tortures boulevard that I have left behind.

My rational mind was overpowering my conscience......but deep inside someone was saying, 'I shud do it'. And finally after enuf brainstorming..I called him up....Initially the conversation was very formal rather artificial, after sometime...it Mc.Dowells smooth!!!....The person with whom i didnt want to talk even for 2mins, I talked to him for long 1hr. And the time flew by so fast! I dnt know about him...but for me it was so spontaneous, so easy...as if we never parted! The apprehensions, inhibitions were worthless......... Ppl do have difference of opinion and everything comes with an expiry date...so does frenship.....but, its a spark much brighter than Love...If nothing works it does!!....... I know I have spent some wonderful time discussing, arguing things with him...(i dnt remeber if we have ever fought over anything) Learnt so many aspects of life...It has helped me a lot to be wat I m today...........I surely dnt want him back in my life (even tho we were gr8 frens and only frens 2 b precise!) But I will cherish our frenship all my life..................

I believe thats the magic of frenship!!!

Hope our lives be full circles, where ever we are or watever we do. Amen!

An ode to the Happy Prince!

It seems I just cudnt get over MJ's death. Today his memorial took place at Staple's centre, LA. And since 8pm I was hooked b4 the Tv set constantly surfing the channels. At last the much awaited show started at 11pm..and still my search for the best quality channel was on, ultimately I decided to be happy with CNN. After the show, I was thinking may be Celebrities shud never pass away silently.....MJ whad a tough childhood, but he had too much of love inside him, which touched so many lives around the world. He was a child from inside, so wanted himself to be called the Peter Pan. He found peace when his fans, cheered, roared, applauded for him. Thats why people celebrated his life even on his funeral! All his life MJ was surrounded by fans and papparazis, he loved it, he feared being a loner! I just hope our Little 5'10" Prince of Neverland doesnt feel lonely inside his golden casket, and be happy...cause his message of love, patience and brotherhood is flying all around and lingering in each of our hearts!

Am lost again!

...as the title goes, m lost again.. in the midst of non stop flight of thoughts, hoping and jumping moving all around me like "Blubber". But for a change m not feeling low today..I feel enthusiastic...I have too many productive plans, too many projects and too little time. I m feeling excited think about them..but deep in my heart I know they might be worthless & simple waste of time. The moment the negatives stikes my mind, I feel, am I deceiving myself with these momentary happiness?? I am suppose to do sumthing big...not in the worldly way, but big in its own sense of providing satisfaction!! I belief my heart and soul lies in something which am yet to find...I feel its veiled with mist of time and I just need to keep walking, to the other side of this valley to feel the yellow bright sky!!

I get worried, when I think if I am in the right track in my voyage of searching contenment or I am simply chasing a mirage...but again sometimesI do feel some kinda vibes, may be my inner soul/ my unconsious state of mind is trying to communicate with me. I find myself in a situation similar to Santiago ( Alchemist).

Under this calm composed expression of my face, I know how unrest my mind becomes when I pass through such phases.

May be I have started loving these mind churning episodes of my life....I love when I introspect and look back into things..and find how co related the present and past is........it gives me inner light and a better foresight!

I think its time I understand.....executing a well sketched plan is not my cuppa tea! I better be happy experiencing the depth of the sea than standing in the shore and anticipating.

MJ's Aaoo or Ouch!

Was wondering how difficult is the life of a celebrity.. let alone living, people do not let them die widout speculations or rest their soul in peace..

Still cant believe MJ is no more....it came as a blow to me, though i was not a die hard fan of him but dunno why....! I have some strong childhood memories surrounding him (thanx to my chorda!)I remember, He was the kid when asked about his aim in life, said i want to b white. And yes he did it!!! He is kid who paved the way for the world to accept Obama as the Prez of America.He became a white from all possible ways...from complexion to wealth, status, fame he had all the whites cud enjoy then.

But the most ironical part is..here in India a 140 years old act got amended challenging religious outrages on the ground of personal liberty and privacy! And here am sitting at home reading about the details of every scar on MJ's body that he had because of his much hyped plastic surgeries!!

Its unfair, to open his life like a book before the public and let each of us mis/interprete every line in our own way...tear the pages and make comments about his personal life.

Its sad when its overly written about his sexual experiences wid his own wives. It was shocking to know that he divorced Lisa cause she was not willing to conceive. He then married Debbie Rowe to conceive not his kids but the kids whom he can call his own. Once the kids were wid him, Debbie divorced him and gave full custody of the children to him and left from his life. We all can understand may be it was a deal........ may b he wasn't capable but he loved kids and wanted to be a Dad! But its not a crime, and he didn't do anything illegal...he just never wanted anyone to know all about it!........But now......we all know, cause we think its our right to poke our nose on a celebrity's private life!

Michael Jackson was a shy person extremely self-conscious about his body due to all the scars he had from surgeries and was humiliated when police forced him to submit to a nude examination and he actually never emotionally recovered from the child molestation charges that surfaced against him in 1993. We all know the case was settled out of court, but the media rarely tells us, that the claim was found to be false, especially for which he was humiliated.

How does it matter if he was a loner,( can we being his die hard fans...cud help him to over come it?) distressed, not happy wid his looks, extravagant, have unusual preferences or beliefs(like he can fly like peter pan)in debt, have strange charges on him...............no it absolutely doesnt matter!! For We love him for his music and however wacko our Jacko is, he will always live in our heart till world comes to an end. LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!

Is Sucess a mess?

Too much of speculations, dissections of MJ's career, personality, likings, preferences, sexual orientation, financial condition and then death. I was no different...the whole day I was glued to the TV, just to know wat caused his death.

Since then I am wondering.....what do we want in life..or wats life?

...All our life we ran after success and making money..when we ultimately earn it, we no longer have the age to enjoy it to the fullest. We save one one penny to build a home, so that we dont die in a rented house after retirement.

But think about them who earn too much of money early....can they really enjoy life? MJ, Britney, Merlyn monroe to name a few..does success really go staright into your head and blast it? Or they really did enjoy in thier own terms, did watever they wanted to..n then vanished? Or deep inside thier heart they were loners, distressed and hated success but continued to maintain the celebrity status cause they didnt know anything else or cudnt think about a life beyond?

CONFUSED! ?!*&$#

Am feeling low, confused...irritated(thats obvious) as if i am the biggest loser on earth.....and the most frustrating part is i dunno 'Y'!!

Do we all feel like this at times?...it sems too much of xpectations all around me! its hard to always fight back to convince people that I M NOT HERE TO PROVE ANYTHING but to lead a simple decent life...... sometimes i feel nausea thinking about all these social parametres! Am fed up!!!

DUMDUM DAWAI !!!

Well many years back, there occured an incident known as Dumdum's DAWAI!! In the markets of Dumdum prices of everything were everyday touching a new upper sphere of the space. One morning in the market the common men became so agitated, that they took butchers and knives and started striking anyone and everyone of the vendors. Many people died, many injured but ever since every market in Kolkata have a fixed rate for every good. Any vendor who puts irrational price tag on his products are simply thrown out of the market. This rule is made by the market commitee itself.

As the election is approaching and in many places it has already been conducted, I feel we need a similar Dumdum DAWAI incident should occur all over the india. We have morale police, to harass and punish simple helpless college goers for celebrating Love!! Why cant we have a morale police to punish the officers in Govt. offices who charges a cup of tea to ten thousand rupees for moving a file from one table to another? We have retired people, who finds it really unacceptable to see boys and gals holding hands in public parks. Why dont they find it unacceptable when they themselves find it difficult to get thier pension formalities not done for years. Because its easy to harass people, who are easy preys. Why dont they find it unacceptable, when in the darkness of night commercial sex workers stands or lures passer bys even in residential areas? Because they know, the police are involved, the leading party is involved and so they dont want to mess. Why doesnt anyone come up, when everyday domestic violence in increasing. Why do they think, its thier personal matter and no body have anything to say, when a man thrashes his wife?? People who dnt know a single C about our Culture, are talking about protecting it. Leave OUR Culture, they even cant give a proper definition of culture. If they knew, they should have known that culture keeps on changing with time, the change is its essence. Culture is a habit practiced over time immorable. And when some habits seems inappropiate, they become exticnt.
Why cant we have groups of common people in the name of morale police, who feels enough is enough!! We need youths to fight back for everyday injustice, other than thinking about their damn careers of licking the Capitalist pie and earning dollars. Who can recieve the complaints of the common people, and conduct sting operations on thier own to verify the truth, and strike back or give them some Gangajal affect(Gangajal is a recent movie, where the public after tolerating for years,realises that the Govt. or police just cant give the wrong doers thier deserved punishment,and so they take the inciative and catches the criminals and throws acid on the anti socials). No police, no prosecution, no hearing. Only ACTION. Or I think, we need a bunch of Shahenshah, Shaktimaan,Spiderman, Batman kind of characters, who can just deliver DAWAI to the deserving people.