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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Story of plenty..

Came across a heart wrenching story of a person who is runing away from his childhood...........he doesn't want to cherish anything of it. Nope its not that it wasn't beautiful! Its just that it was in some other country, which he has left behind so many years ago.....he came during an emergency, his life was at threat then.
But now he has become a citizen of India, leaving everything including his family back at his native land. He just completely wants to forget that he was never born here, he hates to recall the memories of his childhood frens, playing in his mother's lap. As those sweet memories haunt him and he wants to get rid of them. Because he knows he can never go back to his family. Its a defence he is trying to put in his mind, so that it pains less. As he knows, he had been marooned to this foreign land for all his life!
He used to visit his home town once in a year, and his dad never used to go out of home, thinking if anyone asks him about his son's where about, how will he lie?
He enjoyed being with his family but his Dad used to be so dead nervous, as if a criminal and has taking shelter in their home.
He was a kid when he was forced to stay away from his home & family. It was rather his Dad's decision to send him to a foreign land, but when he came , because of emergency, he didnt get any passport or Visa. Thats was his only fault, may b even to survive a kid needs a passport or visa.

Then at one point of time he stopped visiting them. His Dad was now a renowned person in their city. He wanted to be with his family but couldnt be with them because of their inhibitions. Now all on a sudden his Dad expired...he cudnt go and visit his dad in his last days, cudnt perform his funeral rites because he was not given the Visa...He told me, 'I was too exhausted and concerned to get the Visa, so cudnt think much about my Dad...' he said, he doesnt feel the vaccum, somehow he has manged to be disassociate with the whole lose! In his own words "the pain cudnt penetrate me."

He seems to be at peace now, coz his family has decided to shift to some other city..........May be now he can manage to go often to his birth land and visit his family.

I was just wondering how these international borders, internal wars, communal riots have changed the lives of so many people around the globe....wars do get over but their impact never seems to die! :(


How difficult it is to reconcile or communicate with someone after many years, whom once I called a frend? When I thought about the consequences, it was a strict No No.... I was apprehensive about what would I say? Wat wud be the person's reaction? I didn't want to go thru the same tortures boulevard that I have left behind.

My rational mind was overpowering my conscience......but deep inside someone was saying, 'I shud do it'. And finally after enuf brainstorming..I called him up....Initially the conversation was very formal rather artificial, after Mc.Dowells smooth!!!....The person with whom i didnt want to talk even for 2mins, I talked to him for long 1hr. And the time flew by so fast! I dnt know about him...but for me it was so spontaneous, so if we never parted! The apprehensions, inhibitions were worthless......... Ppl do have difference of opinion and everything comes with an expiry does frenship.....but, its a spark much brighter than Love...If nothing works it does!!....... I know I have spent some wonderful time discussing, arguing things with him...(i dnt remeber if we have ever fought over anything) Learnt so many aspects of life...It has helped me a lot to be wat I m today...........I surely dnt want him back in my life (even tho we were gr8 frens and only frens 2 b precise!) But I will cherish our frenship all my life..................

I believe thats the magic of frenship!!!

Hope our lives be full circles, where ever we are or watever we do. Amen!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

An ode to the Happy Prince!

It seems I just cudnt get over MJ's death. Today his memorial took place at Staple's centre, LA. And since 8pm I was hooked b4 the Tv set constantly surfing the channels. At last the much awaited show started at 11pm..and still my search for the best quality channel was on, ultimately I decided to be happy with CNN. After the show, I was thinking may be Celebrities shud never pass away silently.....MJ whad a tough childhood, but he had too much of love inside him, which touched so many lives around the world. He was a child from inside, so wanted himself to be called the Peter Pan. He found peace when his fans, cheered, roared, applauded for him. Thats why people celebrated his life even on his funeral! All his life MJ was surrounded by fans and papparazis, he loved it, he feared being a loner! I just hope our Little 5'10" Prince of Neverland doesnt feel lonely inside his golden casket, and be happy...cause his message of love, patience and brotherhood is flying all around and lingering in each of our hearts!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Am lost again! the title goes, m lost again.. in the midst of non stop flight of thoughts, hoping and jumping moving all around me like "Blubber". But for a change m not feeling low today..I feel enthusiastic...I have too many productive plans, too many projects and too little time. I m feeling excited think about them..but deep in my heart I know they might be worthless & simple waste of time. The moment the negatives stikes my mind, I feel, am I deceiving myself with these momentary happiness?? I am suppose to do sumthing big...not in the worldly way, but big in its own sense of providing satisfaction!! I belief my heart and soul lies in something which am yet to find...I feel its veiled with mist of time and I just need to keep walking, to the other side of this valley to feel the yellow bright sky!!

I get worried, when I think if I am in the right track in my voyage of searching contenment or I am simply chasing a mirage...but again sometimesI do feel some kinda vibes, may be my inner soul/ my unconsious state of mind is trying to communicate with me. I find myself in a situation similar to Santiago ( Alchemist).
Under this calm composed expression of my face, I know how unrest my mind becomes when I pass through such phases.
May be I have started loving these mind churning episodes of my life....I love when I introspect and look back into things..and find how co related the present and past gives me inner light and a better foresight!
I think its time I understand.....executing a well sketched plan is not my cuppa tea! I better be happy experiencing the depth of the sea than standing in the shore and anticipating.

Friday, July 3, 2009

MJ's Aaoo or Ouch!

Was wondering how difficult is the life of a celebrity.. let alone living, people do not let them die widout speculations or rest their soul in peace..
Still cant believe MJ is no came as a blow to me, though i was not a die hard fan of him but dunno why....! I have some strong childhood memories surrounding him (thanx to my chorda!)I remember, He was the kid when asked about his aim in life, said i want to b white. And yes he did it!!! He is kid who paved the way for the world to accept Obama as the Prez of America.He became a white from all possible ways...from complexion to wealth, status, fame he had all the whites cud enjoy then.

But the most ironical part in India a 140 years old act got amended challenging religious outrages on the ground of personal liberty and privacy! And here am sitting at home reading about the details of every scar on MJ's body that he had because of his much hyped plastic surgeries!!
Its unfair, to open his life like a book before the public and let each of us mis/interprete every line in our own way...tear the pages and make comments about his personal life.

Its sad when its overly written about his sexual experiences wid his own wives. It was shocking to know that he divorced Lisa cause she was not willing to conceive. He then married Debbie Rowe to conceive not his kids but the kids whom he can call his own. Once the kids were wid him, Debbie divorced him and gave full custody of the children to him and left from his life. We all can understand may be it was a deal........ may b he wasn't capable but he loved kids and wanted to be a Dad! But its not a crime, and he didn't do anything illegal...he just never wanted anyone to know all about it!........But now......we all know, cause we think its our right to poke our nose on a celebrity's private life!

Michael Jackson was a shy person extremely self-conscious about his body due to all the scars he had from surgeries and was humiliated when police forced him to submit to a nude examination and he actually never emotionally recovered from the child molestation charges that surfaced against him in 1993. We all know the case was settled out of court, but the media rarely tells us, that the claim was found to be false, especially for which he was humiliated.

How does it matter if he was a loner,( can we being his die hard fans...cud help him to over come it?) distressed, not happy wid his looks, extravagant, have unusual preferences or beliefs(like he can fly like peter pan)in debt, have strange charges on it absolutely doesnt matter!! For We love him for his music and however wacko our Jacko is, he will always live in our heart till world comes to an end. LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!

Is Sucess a mess?

Too much of speculations, dissections of MJ's career, personality, likings, preferences, sexual orientation, financial condition and then death. I was no different...the whole day I was glued to the TV, just to know wat caused his death.
Since then I am wondering.....what do we want in life..or wats life?
...All our life we ran after success and making money..when we ultimately earn it, we no longer have the age to enjoy it to the fullest. We save one one penny to build a home, so that we dont die in a rented house after retirement.
But think about them who earn too much of money early....can they really enjoy life? MJ, Britney, Merlyn monroe to name a few..does success really go staright into your head and blast it? Or they really did enjoy in thier own terms, did watever they wanted to..n then vanished? Or deep inside thier heart they were loners, distressed and hated success but continued to maintain the celebrity status cause they didnt know anything else or cudnt think about a life beyond?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

CONFUSED! ?!*&$#

Am feeling low, confused...irritated(thats obvious) as if i am the biggest loser on earth.....and the most frustrating part is i dunno 'Y'!!
Do we all feel like this at times? sems too much of xpectations all around me! its hard to always fight back to convince people that I M NOT HERE TO PROVE ANYTHING but to lead a simple decent life...... sometimes i feel nausea thinking about all these social parametres! Am fed up!!!