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Monday, December 21, 2009

Jio GURU!!!

Got bowled by the thoughts of a poet, whose thoughts are so far fetched after almost 80 years of his death we are realizing the truth, but still unwilling to accept it! I always thought so, but as m not a poet or a gr8 writer cud never sum and organise my thoughts orderly, but when I read his work...I felt that he wrote it with the ink of my thoughts......and so thought of sharing it!!

On Children (The Prophet)

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

-Khalil Gibran

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I have walked a long way....and I just realised its a one way road with no u-turns! Left home in 2000, in search of truth n knowledge of the world(not text). Naah! not influenced from Buddhism, it must b feeling euphemistic..may be..but thats what is true. I wanted to be on my own, self dependent and confident and not insecured !...I wanted to peep beyond the boundaries of my over protective joint family, rules, traditions, dogmatism. Wanted to know how required they are? Does the world outside have the same ethics we follow, or different or no ethics at all? Are the values really valuable that our elders are hell bent on imposing on us........Does the ppl outside really can survive without these? Don't they feel Godless without all these, some meaningful some nonsense instructions which is being followed from generations, the so called "amader barir niyom, erom e korte hoy..." and so on.

I always thought, that come what may, the way of returning back is always there for me..........but now I understand...I can never go search of rules, my values, my perspective have changed...for good? or bad?...only time will say......
That dominant rebel in me has taken its shape........and now it wants experiment and evidence to believe anything and everything. It seeks logic, rationality to be convinced. It keeps challenging anything and everything related to my life back 2000.

I still would like to go back...but it will disrupt the lives of the ppl there associated with me....and my peace of mind as well.......they aren't prepared to think beyond what they have been taught all these years.....They are happy accepting anything wrong without questioning, as this is what all there fore fathers have been doing!....Logic and science is something very bookish for them...without any practical application.Unfortunately, these conservative rules, instructions are mostly for the women, of the women and surprisingly practised by the women!!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dene wala jab v deta deta chhappar phaad k!!! ;-)

I am happy, I am happy, I am haappppyyyyyyyyyyy......... After long long time I got what i deserved.....I always asked God for giving me an opportunity, to humiliate someone who has pushed me into a state of turmoil and despair for long three years!! And I did it with elan!!.. I
have started accepting the fact that I am actually good at making people believe that they are invisible. This is what I exactly did tonight....
I ignored him to the extent that he would doubt his own existence!! And thats what has made my day!!!

M happy m happy m happy la la la la la la la...hmmm hmm

Sunday, September 27, 2009

ASHTAMI MIDNYT'S dream.........!!

I am still in a state of disbelief that I actually did this……last night….at around 1am I went to hop around the Pandals & then came back at 4:30am. Kolkata was not Kolkata yesterday night it had turned into a city of Fairs, Crackers, Colors, Light, Merriment…and indeed a city of Joy. I could see weary faces drenched with sweat & exhausted but strangely people from six to sixty there was a smile fixed with Fevicol in everyone’s face….Because its DURGOTSAV here!
I had a bitter experience in my childhood while hopping around pandals I got stuck in the crowd
and the force of it was killing. It was suffocating, I don’t remember how did I come out, but it was enough for me to decide never to go for such a mis-adventure!
But a big thanx to my so called enemy who cared to take me to Pandal hopping and crushed my misconception with my stiletto heels about Puja outings! It was really really fun!! Even though I was physically exhausted but mentally I was bubbling like a champagne! I was just simply not willing to go back home! Just imagine people at 3'o clock in the morning having Chaat, Phucka, Aloo Kabli, Roll, Moghlai.....and riding joy rides n Giant wheels etc. ......God!! baache budhe sab, "Sab" kha rahein the....
I had the idea, that one should hire a car or have a two wheeler to roam around. But trust me all u need is a guide or a person who knows the place well.........I was surprised when my companion said lets take a bus...I was awestruck to see there were full on bus services all night. I knew about whole night availability of metro rail...but about the buses, I was...??? The streets appeared like it does in any week day in peak office hours...the sergeants were busy controlling the traffic and barring erratic drivers from using no-entry roads!!
There were People who were wearing sports shoes with Kurta and they know they might have to keep walking for 5-6 hours! I was surprised to see their enthusiasm...and thot oh God what an idiot I am, missed all these fun for all these years...........Bheed thelay j ki anondo!! ;P (its fun pushing along the crowd).
I could just never realize that it would b so much exciting...even I had the desire to dive into the bizarre of having Aloo-Kabli at 3pm but then dropped the idea as my companion wasnt thrilled about it! :P
All I know pple go crazy during Durga puja........and this time even I drenched myself in the rain of that over excitement which one should experience once in their life..all u need is a comfrotable shoe and a good guide who knows the routes well........(I wish everyone have a foe like d oneI have!) ;-p

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I have done a very difficult task few days back! I have forgiven some one, which is actually very odd in my case, coz am unbelievably vindictive! But after doing that, it seems i was holding a big stupid file in my shelf which consumed too much space! I am not feeling good neither very relaxed, The moment I told him, I forgive u for all that u did to me, I felt so disassociated with him, as if then and there we became strangers! As if nothing can effect me about him!
We had a long two hours conversation where we discussed about the ppl who contibuted to our soured relationship! As if we were re-reading an old suspense thriller, we both know about the murder(s) just forgot a few pages or lines and just discussing them now....all futile!
He was a very old chum of mine, we were so close, and then things were messed up!I met him after long 4.6 years........ Initially the conversation was difficult to take off, then it was cool.......but once I uttered the words I forgive u..I could visiualise, as if he is moving far far far away from me and merging with the horizon!

New dimension of male dominance!

Aha!! got a new theory of my classmate bought a saree for his mom(puja shopping), he took an extra step to buy matching essential accessories with it! I was happy to know that he is so caring and warm to do such a sweet thing!! Then I asked him about the color and he said its of light beige shade. I knew he is from a small town, where people usually prefer wearing brighter shades(i dont mean loud)..I asked him, why did u go for that color? He replied, coz his mom is quite old, I was just curious to know her age. To my shock he said she is 40-43 years........!!Oh my GODDDD!!!.....I said 43 is not an age to wear a beige saree!! Now he bombarded me with his strange it goes, He is having an affair and he wants to get married by next 3 years, and he wont like, if his mom wears a bright saree, like his wife! His exact lines were, "cheler bou'er samne deep rong pora seta ki manansoi hobe?" I just cudnt believe my ears.......I just got so irritated that I wanted to argue with him.......but then i thot theres no point!!

Men will always be men!...Pehle, Baap ki suno, phir bhai bara ho to uski suno, phir pati ki aur sasural walon ki suno, then phir BETE ki suno!! This is a vicious cycle....All u have to do is iski uski sunte hi jaao!!..........
I am still feeling so disgusted!! I beleive we women bring all these problems to ourself by just being submissive!
I believe, m blessed, as almost never had to go through all these, my sister had some inconvenience but I was always lucky to get away from all these! And I believe now my frend and family understands that I am fully aware, where what to wear and what to do and say...!! Uuff!!.........Thank u God!

Monday, September 7, 2009

The PINK stole in the GREEN hills!

Its raining incessantly for the last three days....its irritating, sloggy, muddy, gloomy boring all around!! :( I am hating this Shohure brishti (rain in the cities)..I remember when we were in Shillong, it used to rain any time and everytime of the year, but i liked everything about it!! even though I was a kid and never allowed to go out n play....but it was a pleasure watching the rain!

For the last few days , it seems am physically present in this city of Joy(kana cheler naam padma lochon) but my mind is flying high with the moisten winds of some hills...far far away from the city...I can feel the cloudlets passing by, I can percieve the deep green hill tops, playing peek a boo with the veil of fog and clouds! And I am...running along the twisted trailing roads wearing a bright pink stole!!

I feel I dont belong to this city....I never did! People say life is gloomy and boring in the hills, theres no life! I wanna question them, then where is life? Is it in the hypocrate hussle bustle or aritificial trance of discotheques or in the tall skyscrappers standing amidst the pollution or in the glowing billboards of the malls?? or in some resort, whose land has been snatched from some poor farmers? Its like laughing aloud in a laughing club!! where all are laughing with no meaning, but to save our physical heart!!....

But, people who have seen cheerful school going children of the hills, untouched from the corruption of the advanced world, waving at every passer by with a smile.......and have felt why do they do so...will never have to attend a laughing club!

"For often, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon THAT INWARD EYE
And then my heart with pleasure fills
And dances with the daffodils." (Wordsworth's Daffodils)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Story of plenty..

Came across a heart wrenching story of a person who is runing away from his childhood...........he doesn't want to cherish anything of it. Nope its not that it wasn't beautiful! Its just that it was in some other country, which he has left behind so many years ago.....he came during an emergency, his life was at threat then.
But now he has become a citizen of India, leaving everything including his family back at his native land. He just completely wants to forget that he was never born here, he hates to recall the memories of his childhood frens, playing in his mother's lap. As those sweet memories haunt him and he wants to get rid of them. Because he knows he can never go back to his family. Its a defence he is trying to put in his mind, so that it pains less. As he knows, he had been marooned to this foreign land for all his life!
He used to visit his home town once in a year, and his dad never used to go out of home, thinking if anyone asks him about his son's where about, how will he lie?
He enjoyed being with his family but his Dad used to be so dead nervous, as if a criminal and has taking shelter in their home.
He was a kid when he was forced to stay away from his home & family. It was rather his Dad's decision to send him to a foreign land, but when he came , because of emergency, he didnt get any passport or Visa. Thats was his only fault, may b even to survive a kid needs a passport or visa.

Then at one point of time he stopped visiting them. His Dad was now a renowned person in their city. He wanted to be with his family but couldnt be with them because of their inhibitions. Now all on a sudden his Dad expired...he cudnt go and visit his dad in his last days, cudnt perform his funeral rites because he was not given the Visa...He told me, 'I was too exhausted and concerned to get the Visa, so cudnt think much about my Dad...' he said, he doesnt feel the vaccum, somehow he has manged to be disassociate with the whole lose! In his own words "the pain cudnt penetrate me."

He seems to be at peace now, coz his family has decided to shift to some other city..........May be now he can manage to go often to his birth land and visit his family.

I was just wondering how these international borders, internal wars, communal riots have changed the lives of so many people around the globe....wars do get over but their impact never seems to die! :(


How difficult it is to reconcile or communicate with someone after many years, whom once I called a frend? When I thought about the consequences, it was a strict No No.... I was apprehensive about what would I say? Wat wud be the person's reaction? I didn't want to go thru the same tortures boulevard that I have left behind.

My rational mind was overpowering my conscience......but deep inside someone was saying, 'I shud do it'. And finally after enuf brainstorming..I called him up....Initially the conversation was very formal rather artificial, after Mc.Dowells smooth!!!....The person with whom i didnt want to talk even for 2mins, I talked to him for long 1hr. And the time flew by so fast! I dnt know about him...but for me it was so spontaneous, so if we never parted! The apprehensions, inhibitions were worthless......... Ppl do have difference of opinion and everything comes with an expiry does frenship.....but, its a spark much brighter than Love...If nothing works it does!!....... I know I have spent some wonderful time discussing, arguing things with him...(i dnt remeber if we have ever fought over anything) Learnt so many aspects of life...It has helped me a lot to be wat I m today...........I surely dnt want him back in my life (even tho we were gr8 frens and only frens 2 b precise!) But I will cherish our frenship all my life..................

I believe thats the magic of frenship!!!

Hope our lives be full circles, where ever we are or watever we do. Amen!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

An ode to the Happy Prince!

It seems I just cudnt get over MJ's death. Today his memorial took place at Staple's centre, LA. And since 8pm I was hooked b4 the Tv set constantly surfing the channels. At last the much awaited show started at 11pm..and still my search for the best quality channel was on, ultimately I decided to be happy with CNN. After the show, I was thinking may be Celebrities shud never pass away silently.....MJ whad a tough childhood, but he had too much of love inside him, which touched so many lives around the world. He was a child from inside, so wanted himself to be called the Peter Pan. He found peace when his fans, cheered, roared, applauded for him. Thats why people celebrated his life even on his funeral! All his life MJ was surrounded by fans and papparazis, he loved it, he feared being a loner! I just hope our Little 5'10" Prince of Neverland doesnt feel lonely inside his golden casket, and be happy...cause his message of love, patience and brotherhood is flying all around and lingering in each of our hearts!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Am lost again! the title goes, m lost again.. in the midst of non stop flight of thoughts, hoping and jumping moving all around me like "Blubber". But for a change m not feeling low today..I feel enthusiastic...I have too many productive plans, too many projects and too little time. I m feeling excited think about them..but deep in my heart I know they might be worthless & simple waste of time. The moment the negatives stikes my mind, I feel, am I deceiving myself with these momentary happiness?? I am suppose to do sumthing big...not in the worldly way, but big in its own sense of providing satisfaction!! I belief my heart and soul lies in something which am yet to find...I feel its veiled with mist of time and I just need to keep walking, to the other side of this valley to feel the yellow bright sky!!

I get worried, when I think if I am in the right track in my voyage of searching contenment or I am simply chasing a mirage...but again sometimesI do feel some kinda vibes, may be my inner soul/ my unconsious state of mind is trying to communicate with me. I find myself in a situation similar to Santiago ( Alchemist).
Under this calm composed expression of my face, I know how unrest my mind becomes when I pass through such phases.
May be I have started loving these mind churning episodes of my life....I love when I introspect and look back into things..and find how co related the present and past gives me inner light and a better foresight!
I think its time I understand.....executing a well sketched plan is not my cuppa tea! I better be happy experiencing the depth of the sea than standing in the shore and anticipating.

Friday, July 3, 2009

MJ's Aaoo or Ouch!

Was wondering how difficult is the life of a celebrity.. let alone living, people do not let them die widout speculations or rest their soul in peace..
Still cant believe MJ is no came as a blow to me, though i was not a die hard fan of him but dunno why....! I have some strong childhood memories surrounding him (thanx to my chorda!)I remember, He was the kid when asked about his aim in life, said i want to b white. And yes he did it!!! He is kid who paved the way for the world to accept Obama as the Prez of America.He became a white from all possible ways...from complexion to wealth, status, fame he had all the whites cud enjoy then.

But the most ironical part in India a 140 years old act got amended challenging religious outrages on the ground of personal liberty and privacy! And here am sitting at home reading about the details of every scar on MJ's body that he had because of his much hyped plastic surgeries!!
Its unfair, to open his life like a book before the public and let each of us mis/interprete every line in our own way...tear the pages and make comments about his personal life.

Its sad when its overly written about his sexual experiences wid his own wives. It was shocking to know that he divorced Lisa cause she was not willing to conceive. He then married Debbie Rowe to conceive not his kids but the kids whom he can call his own. Once the kids were wid him, Debbie divorced him and gave full custody of the children to him and left from his life. We all can understand may be it was a deal........ may b he wasn't capable but he loved kids and wanted to be a Dad! But its not a crime, and he didn't do anything illegal...he just never wanted anyone to know all about it!........But now......we all know, cause we think its our right to poke our nose on a celebrity's private life!

Michael Jackson was a shy person extremely self-conscious about his body due to all the scars he had from surgeries and was humiliated when police forced him to submit to a nude examination and he actually never emotionally recovered from the child molestation charges that surfaced against him in 1993. We all know the case was settled out of court, but the media rarely tells us, that the claim was found to be false, especially for which he was humiliated.

How does it matter if he was a loner,( can we being his die hard fans...cud help him to over come it?) distressed, not happy wid his looks, extravagant, have unusual preferences or beliefs(like he can fly like peter pan)in debt, have strange charges on it absolutely doesnt matter!! For We love him for his music and however wacko our Jacko is, he will always live in our heart till world comes to an end. LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!

Is Sucess a mess?

Too much of speculations, dissections of MJ's career, personality, likings, preferences, sexual orientation, financial condition and then death. I was no different...the whole day I was glued to the TV, just to know wat caused his death.
Since then I am wondering.....what do we want in life..or wats life?
...All our life we ran after success and making money..when we ultimately earn it, we no longer have the age to enjoy it to the fullest. We save one one penny to build a home, so that we dont die in a rented house after retirement.
But think about them who earn too much of money early....can they really enjoy life? MJ, Britney, Merlyn monroe to name a few..does success really go staright into your head and blast it? Or they really did enjoy in thier own terms, did watever they wanted to..n then vanished? Or deep inside thier heart they were loners, distressed and hated success but continued to maintain the celebrity status cause they didnt know anything else or cudnt think about a life beyond?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

CONFUSED! ?!*&$#

Am feeling low, confused...irritated(thats obvious) as if i am the biggest loser on earth.....and the most frustrating part is i dunno 'Y'!!
Do we all feel like this at times? sems too much of xpectations all around me! its hard to always fight back to convince people that I M NOT HERE TO PROVE ANYTHING but to lead a simple decent life...... sometimes i feel nausea thinking about all these social parametres! Am fed up!!!

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Well many years back, there occured an incident known as Dumdum's DAWAI!! In the markets of Dumdum prices of everything were everyday touching a new upper sphere of the space. One morning in the market the common men became so agitated, that they took butchers and knives and started striking anyone and everyone of the vendors. Many people died, many injured but ever since every market in Kolkata have a fixed rate for every good. Any vendor who puts irrational price tag on his products are simply thrown out of the market. This rule is made by the market commitee itself.

As the election is approaching and in many places it has already been conducted, I feel we need a similar Dumdum DAWAI incident should occur all over the india. We have morale police, to harass and punish simple helpless college goers for celebrating Love!! Why cant we have a morale police to punish the officers in Govt. offices who charges a cup of tea to ten thousand rupees for moving a file from one table to another? We have retired people, who finds it really unacceptable to see boys and gals holding hands in public parks. Why dont they find it unacceptable when they themselves find it difficult to get thier pension formalities not done for years. Because its easy to harass people, who are easy preys. Why dont they find it unacceptable, when in the darkness of night commercial sex workers stands or lures passer bys even in residential areas? Because they know, the police are involved, the leading party is involved and so they dont want to mess. Why doesnt anyone come up, when everyday domestic violence in increasing. Why do they think, its thier personal matter and no body have anything to say, when a man thrashes his wife?? People who dnt know a single C about our Culture, are talking about protecting it. Leave OUR Culture, they even cant give a proper definition of culture. If they knew, they should have known that culture keeps on changing with time, the change is its essence. Culture is a habit practiced over time immorable. And when some habits seems inappropiate, they become exticnt.
Why cant we have groups of common people in the name of morale police, who feels enough is enough!! We need youths to fight back for everyday injustice, other than thinking about their damn careers of licking the Capitalist pie and earning dollars. Who can recieve the complaints of the common people, and conduct sting operations on thier own to verify the truth, and strike back or give them some Gangajal affect(Gangajal is a recent movie, where the public after tolerating for years,realises that the Govt. or police just cant give the wrong doers thier deserved punishment,and so they take the inciative and catches the criminals and throws acid on the anti socials). No police, no prosecution, no hearing. Only ACTION. Or I think, we need a bunch of Shahenshah, Shaktimaan,Spiderman, Batman kind of characters, who can just deliver DAWAI to the deserving people.